Get Your Behind Off That Cross!


So for the first Sunday of Lent, my girlfriend and I decided to go to a Catholic service. Not that I'm Catholic at all. Nor would I ever consider it. Mainly because there's far too much movement! Stand up, sit down, stand up, sit down, kneel, stand up, sing, kneel, make the sign of the cross, and shake it all about. It's like a Biblical version of Simon Says. Then after all that, you have to get in the blessing welfare line and everyone gets fed a wafer by the same Parkinson's ridden hand that has shaken across everyone else's tongue. Lastly, wash the cracker down with with a pimp cup full of grape juice, seasoned with everyone's mustache hairs (male and female) and backwash.

Thank you JESUS!!!

As the Priest gave his sermon - part of which was dedicated to telling the congregation that he made a mistake and ate meat on the previous Friday - my attention faded in and out.

"Hey what's that spot on my shoe?"

"I wonder what time America's Funniest videos comes on."

"Are Ben Vereen and Usher really related?"

"Captain Kirk vs Indiana Jones in a cage match...hmmm!"

So finally the preacher man mentions something about praying for that man on the cross. It wasn't too long before I realized that he wasn't talking about Jesus. He was literally talking about the man on top of the Cross on the Korean church a few doors down. And unfortunately, I don't think he spoke Korean, so they did a terrible job at coaxing him down. Maybe they could've invited him to Hymnal Karaoke!

After the service was over, everyone walked outside, kids in their arms, to the taped off street, filled with fire trucks, police cars, ladders, and even a giant air mattress in case homeboy slipped and tumbled acrobatically onto La Brea Blvd. Upon further gaze, I realized, "oh my goodness! he's naked!" And that's when my camera came out. It was just too weird at that point to not capture. The guy was restless, probably because it was actually a HOT day and he didn't plan to be sitting on hot metal. It was also obvious that he wasn't gonna jump. At least I hoped that was the case. I later learned that the marks on the Cross, were not from the weather, or from time... no my friends, it was actually from this In-Word's ass. The guy smeared feces on the Cross. That is some serious shit.

Anyway, I didn't really have any positive twist on this one. (I literally LOL'ed as I typed that). But the next day I saw Shatner's Raw Nerve, where Bill interviewed Drew Carey. GREAT interview. It really reminded me once again that we all have problems, and stresses, and things that haven't gone right in our lives. And that we all have greatness beyond our imagination within us. There is no formula. It's not that some people have it and some people don't. Drew Carey hadn't even performed stand up until he was 29. He was raised by a single mom, and his dad died at a young age. He admittedly had low self esteem for most of his life and talked about how he was often happier when he failed at things. He was waiting tables, and had gotten fired or quit almost every other job he had. And finally he got in a big ol' shout-fight at the last restaurant he worked in - and of course got fired.

Later, he responded to an ad out of desperation to write jokes for some schmo at 50 bucks a pop. He had never been funny nor creative, but he needed a job. So he went and met the guy, went to the library and checked out a book called "how to write jokes" and went on to become the Drew Carey we all know and love. Since then he has become such a deeply spiritual person.

The long, drawn out point I'm making is this: I have no idea what this guy's "statement" was, or his reasons. Plus who am I to judge? But given his demeanor and his actions , I'd say that he felt the need to express something that he just simply couldn't, or didn't want to get over. I personally think that there's a certain duty we all have to find our greatness. It can come from any one, any where, and at any time. We all come to many cross roads in our lives. Shit happens. Just ask that guy on the Cross (either one of them). We have to make a choice. Either we find the God within us to overcome obstacles and difficulties, or we crumble beneath their weight. And no weight is worth losing your divine connection.

ps... I love the caption on the Getty flag in the photo: "Captured Emotions"

peace and booty grease (not on a Cross)